It seems that Balance is a daily word popping into my life. I don't mean the sit around and breathe slowly kind of balance. I mean balance in all my actions and things from emotions, circumstances, relationships, food, exercise, absolutely everything you can think of. I usually have two speeds, running around at full throttle or a sudden stop of nothingness; so I can see why I would need some balance!
I suppose it came to my attention long ago but in the hurries of days going by, I admit, I will lose track of this seemingly, easy focus.
I have found, balance for me started with acknowledging mutual trust; now I have huge trust issues. From negativity in family situations growing up, backstabbing friendships, working career paths in a harsh, dog eat dog atmospheres, and even romantically that include gut wrenching tragedies. It's hard to let go of half a lifetime of staunch "Whats your angle?" or "How are you going to hurt me?" attitudes. But in taking simple steps to do just that, I have become more aware of myself and life around me.
It hasn't always been pretty, especially when looking at myself, but I have been through the ugliness and am now finding a bit of pure, clear, light ahead of me. Not trying to be overly virtuous I can seriously struggle, like everyone, to leave the past behind me and move forward. Especially when others involved in my past want to proverbially whack me out of the blue! But after my initial, "Are you serious?!", attitude I can now see their actions as extremely childish and wonder why they seem to have nothing better to do!
In my self journey, I have found that in finding clear boundaries and keeping agreements with myself first; this same thought has, unknowingly, opened myself to others in all areas of my life for the better! Setting simple and honouring realistic boundaries has created a sense of freedom for me; releasing self inflicted confines and even enabling me to heal events within my past.
All this has to be done with the right action, from me of course. I couldn't just slag people off in temper and expect to do nothing myself! Gardening, gave the golden insight for me. I realized, with preparation of the soil or my life, sowing or doing what's right in my heart, I could cultivate or grow a happier existence. Knowing that in my future lies a time of great abundance from what I have produced with my own actions. That, in turn, will bring me nourishment but also profound happiness in the simplicity of it all! What an easy equation and I only just now start to "get it"; better late than never.
Finally respect is involved with all of this too. "What?" your saying, what has r-e-s-p-e-c-t have to do with any of this! Respect, from Latin, literally means "to see again." I grew up with the need for respect, because without it I was told I wouldn't fully achieve in my life. That very thought even had me selfishly demand this from others, who not only didn't know what I was demanding, because I myself didn't even know what it was, but this action was also holding me back to a happier life of my own making. In an ever present process I have to release some very old, outdated and negative mindsets; that really have nothing to do with me personally. They have just been ideologies that I clung to because my family did; not necessarily a great reason to do something in your own life for which only you are responsible and accountable for!
So, how have I come about approaching this new life cycle of mine? Quite seriously with just talking, without accusation to others. Releasing personal hostility; due to my lifetime of pent up frustrations. All this through having an open heart and by not placing blame. It's seriously hard to do, at times, but it has been worth the effort! Now, all that I try to do is step into my future with clearer intentions, greet events with excited anticipation and walk on with laughter! Have the courage to respect yourself; just let go and see yourself again through a process that is meaningful to you.
